Title: Fall on Your Knees...
Author: Eve Karma
Rating: PG-13...I guess
Disclaimer: Kate belongs to me, thanks, but nothing else does.
Spoilers: Anything and everything
Other: Just a really angsty Christmas fic I felt like writing
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*Christmas Eve Day*



She walked into the empty Cathedral, looking around to make sure no one was there. The last time she had been there was at Mrs. Landingham's funeral, and she felt sort of funny going there today, but she knew she needed it.



She stood there for a moment in the back, shifting her weight from one leg to the other, until she got up her nerve and slowly walked towards the alter, listening to the echo of her heels on the floor.



"Hey, Daddy," she said softly as she walked, "It's me. Kate."



She stopped where she was at the front of the church. "Merry Christmas...I guess. You'd think I'd be used to this now--Christmas with just Mom and I--but I'm not. I always wake up expecting you to be sitting downstairs with your camera ready so you can take pictures of your daughter, missing teeth and all," she chuckled, "But you're never there. I mean, I knew you'd leave your heart in the Storm, but I never expected you to come back--" her voice broke, "In a box. A goddamned box."



She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Anyway...things are okay with me...I work at the White House now. My boss is really nice...his name's Sam...I actually think he really likes me, Daddy," She smiled just enough. "I mean, I don't know if I can ever get attached to someone again...after what happened to...Ben...I know, I should be over him, but I'm not."



She uncrossed her arms and ran a hand through her hair, looking down at the floor. "So, I'm going to go over to Arlington to see...you...a little later. And then I'll go to Sacred Heart to see Ben...I just felt like I needed to be here first...Guess I thought you'd be able to hear me better."



She was finding it hard not to cry, and the tears started streaming down her cheeks. "Daddy, I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry if I'm not what you wanted me to be. I'm so sorry if I'm not good enough...Daddy, it's my fault Ben died! It's all my fault...it's all my fault..."



She was shaking so hard that she fell to her knees on the cold floor. "My god, what have you done to me?? You've taken away everyone I love!! Damnit, have I been so wrong? Am I so evil that you can't spare the people I love? Am I?? Am I?!?"



She let out a harsh, agonizing scream that ended in a gut-wrenching groan. She closed her eyes and leaned her hands on the floor, in the puddle that her tears had made. Then she looked up at the Cathedral's beautiful ceiling, gritted her teeth, and murmured, "Merry Christmas...Merry Christmas."